07/01/2020: a look back on life Poland.

awaiting my death on the edge of a fountain’s reach. watching the sky as the sun’s ray deplete, and the clouds come rolling from the east. i know this feeling, but here? here i thought i was free… here i thought i was excused from the grips.

i ran, i flew, swam, and drove, but yet i face you again here at life’s peak.

06/28/2020: nocturnal nostalgia

I have, more so than before, these moments where my thoughts seem to be beyond me. Where what i plan to say and plan to do already exist in a sphere, and i simply step into said sphere. This notion, i thought this word was necessary for some reason, makes me think that life has already been experienced, that the generations of millions are dead and buried and it’s only myself shifting through them like pages on a book.

I wonder now if this makes me sad or if it makes me more understanding of the human psyche; or maybe it just solidifies that i am human, and that my existence is fragile. That maybe the likelihood of being something beyond a moment that’s already past is just not possible.

Then i wonder, how this reality is fragile, and this should be understood as by the fact that space above us proves we aren’t more than organisms from Earth, and with its fragility i think how impossible it is that someone could make me question it. How someone could make me wonder if there’s something beyond reality, or that maybe being human isn’t such a bad thing.

I think as we grow older we wish for the supernatural to exist because we are simply wishing for hope. Hope that our dreams aren’t meaningless, yet not to be mistaken because dreams have meaning, what we do and what drives us are essential for a great existence here on Earth, but the subject is more important than simply just existing here on Earth. I think that it isn’t ghosts that scare us but the idea that there aren’t ghosts.

We very much need the hope of the afterlife as much as we need a good scary movie to scare our senses but soothe our sub-conscious anxieties that we are all alone here— and we always will be.

I think this is wholesome, because it strengthens my desires for Earthly relationships and goods. When we die, it is gone; and let’s not gloss over that we were the select few allowed to exist and ponder the heavens. “But 6 billion people is a lot.” No it’s not, not when you consider how countable the number of bacteria on your finger are.

This is something special, even when it doesn’t feel like it. We don’t exist for pleasure or for any good holy reason— we simply exist.

Consider who you care about, keep them close in your thoughts and in your heart, because the river flows downward towards the inevitable chasm that consumes us all.

06/27/2020: My laptop broke

This isn’t a writing prompt, my laptop actually broke lol. I will be buying a new one soon, a cheaper one that can’t do more than a word processor.

I plan to not give up on this goal of writing everyday. I look forward to submitting essays to journals and hopefully they will publish.

This is not the end! Also, I feel like this counts as my writing prompt lol.

06/26/2020: Goals I Have This Year

In hindsight, 2020 was gearing up to be the year that seemed like it was the chosen one. Just look at the year, 2020, something is just aesthetically pleasing about it too, it’s almost like it has everything it needs to be successful. But, as I am assuming all my readers are alive, just as much as we can be, let’s be honest,  it hasn’t been the year we all hoped it would be.

I remember in 2018, someone posted a meme that said “what will you be doing in 2 years?” Where the punchlines replies: “I don’t know, I don’t have 20-20 vision.” If only we had 20-20 vision.

With half of the year behind me, I’m pretty proud of how far I have come. I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution, which was to stop drinking soda and energy drinks. Weirdly enough, I blame this for my newly acquired coffee and black tea addiction. In the end, I am assume drinking a few cups of coffee a day is healthier than a few cans of cola a week – So, I’ve stuck with it.

I think for the rest of the year, I want to continue sticking with the goals I set out to accomplish earlier; not earlier this year, but earlier in life. I want to continue chasing my passion and writing everyday. I recently spoke with someone that said as long as they are able to write just a single sentence a day, they have accomplished something that day. Everyone has their own process, and even though I do not relate to this, It is nice to know that our sense of accomplish can be as simple as that: Just a single sentence a day.

I’m hoping to produce daily content on here like I did before. I know many of you only followed this blog for the poetry and unfortunately I just haven’t been able to produce what I was able to before, as my desire to write has morphed into more narrative style writing. Maybe I could work into writing narratives poetically. That sounds like something pretty pleasing, honestly.

Have a lovely day.